Sunday, November 15, 2009

6w6d - no symptoms?

So, it's 6w6d and I basically have no symptoms. Sometimes I feel slightly nauseous but even then I think that it is related to my allergies and stress. I am giving all credit for my moodiness to the progesterone, but other than that nothing to speak of....

Holidays are coming - Thanksgiving in a couple of weeks and then the Christmas Holiday season. Looking forward to it, but less this year than before. Thinking that I will be the internet shopper this year and forget about the treks to the mall. Looks like most stores may ship for free (hopefully), so then I don't even have to feel guilty about not pulling out the all day shopping trips. I love free shipping! I also love free gift wrap - bring it on internet retail land.

The best holidays are Thanksgiving and 4th of July - no presents and you can prepare for them the day before! Love it. I am a super procrastinator - remember, crisis mode... and with other holidays you just can't wait that long. Halloween? Not so much, costumes go quickly people (found that out the hard way :) )

This Thanksgiving I don't even have to cook! Just show up with one super easy dish- I love it! The day before TM and I will be attending a great sporting event and then maybe, just maybe we'll get to sleep in the next morning....if my MIL will help out. I can hardly wait!!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday the 13th - A Good Day

Well, good news today from the scan - we have a heartbeat! All in all that should make for a great day! Had a nice lunch with TM afterwards and for a little while got to enjoy in the moment.

Work continues to be challenging - lots of people are very angry right now due to new processes and I am stuck in the middle - the proverbial punching bag. I am going to try and hang in there, but am feeling pretty raw right now. Want to give up and that is not like me. Wondering if managing people and multiple department priorities is my bag. Twice today I told myself to hang in there for a little over 8 months and then go on leave........not good.

I am vowing now that I will not let work dictate my leave this time - I will not work during my leave and as of right now I am also vowing not to let work get to me. I will take it all with a grain of salt because I need to focus in on what is important - FAMILY and not let any other distractors get in the way. Now - I hope that I remember this in 5 minutes - HA. Too bad that I have to work this weekend.....

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Yes? Or Maybe?

Well, its been a whirlwind few months. Greenlight to try again in April, BFN in late June for a fresh cycle (two embyos transferred) and then a low and declining beta result in August with a frozen cycle (three frozen embryos transferred). So we went ahead and did another fresh in Sept/Oct and have a positive. The initial beta was higher than the first pregnancy, but the doubling rate was lower - so not really sure how to read those results. Here they are:

1st pregnancy - delivered:
Initial Beta 9dp5dt or 14dpo= 190
Follow on Beta at 16dp5dt or 21dpo = 3700
or approx 1 1/2 days doubling time

2nd - current results:
Initial Beta 9dp5dt or 14dpo = 229
Follow on beta at 16dp5dt or 21dpo = 1700
or approx 2 1/2 days doubling time

My cycle coordinator stated that the second set of numbers is as consistent as the first. She is basing this on the fact that the doubling time should be between 2 - 3 days. Looked on and most people do fit into the 36 - 63 hour range for a singleton doubling values, but the hours factor above just appears so different to me, so not sure what to think.

Anyway, the first scan is schedule for 6 weeks 3 days (next week), so we'll see what happens.

Right now - noticing that this time is really different than last time as in no symptoms at all! Don't know if this is because I literally have no time to notice anything different about myself or if this is because there is nothing to notice????

I have had quite a bit of outside the home and inside the home stress the last few weeks, so when I say that I have had no time to focus on myself - I really mean it. My work schedule is so crazy that the usual is a 50 - 60 hour work week. I truly am looking back at the last few months (really the last few years) and now am beginning to wonder if I am a crisis person. You know, one of those people that isn't happy unless there is some sort of crisis or drama going on? For example:

The last 5 years = 9 IVF transfers (5 fresh and 4 frozen); one pregnancy; becoming a foster mom, becoming a mom, working through maternity leave due to work requirements, steadily working 50 - 60 hour weeks for the last couple years, 3 additional IVF transfers (2 fresh and 1 frozen), continuing to work 50 - 60 hour weeks.......WTF.

The previous 6 years = get engaged, cross country move, change jobs, commuting miles of over 150/day rt, local move to reduce commuting miles, build house, get married, husband diagnosed with cancer (2 surgeries, 3 hospital admissions, and chemo following), move again, change job, another cross country move, another local move, build house, another local move

You get the idea.

So - I am one of those people. Not sure how not to be in crisis mode at this point. But I am really willing to try :). For the sake of staying positive, I will refer to this type of personality as determined, hard-working, and persevering. Hey, whatever gets me through the day!

I think that anyone willing to go through any type of infertility treatment must also be this type of personality, because we all know that it is anything but easy. $, Tests, shots, waiting, waiting....everyone knows the drill.

All for now.........

Monday, June 29, 2009

Onto the FET

BFN for us today - knew ahead of time thanks to the EPT. The EPT is a lifesaver for me - allows me to process the bad news on my terms rather than sit by the phone hopeful for a BFP. So - it is onto the FET. Of course, the dreaded cycle review tomorrow, but as a vet I know the drill.....start BCP's and get on the rollercoaster again.

In the meantime, I am going to try and achieve some work/life balance - better known as taking some well deserved time off!

Everyone have a happy 4th!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Naive strikes again

Well - looks like this cycle is a bust. We were hoping for a BFP, but it is looking like a BFN. I went ahead and POS on Day 7p5dt and got a clear white screen. Not sure how accurate this method is.........however, would think that something would show up by now if I had a strong beta going on.

We were hoping that this time would be it, but we'll have to go for the FET. 2 blasts frozen this cycle.

Starting this cycle I was full of positivity....thinking that the first one would work! Ha - naive me strikes again. I am not as upset as in previous cycles.....not sure why.....probably the crazy work schedule which has had my undivided attention for some time now.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

We are close to retrieval

This cycle has flown by.....can't believe that we are close to retrieval already. I hope that I have good news to post soon!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Not Fair

Thoughts of the day:

Just found out today that a friend of mine continues to struggle with her health. Just doesn't seem fair.....same old story - some people just don't get a break. If you have a moment - say a little prayer for her that the latest round of tests come back ok.

We were approved for shared risk again......unbelievable with my track record - we'll be signing the contract this week. Can't believe that we are in this place again. I say this as I have my laptop balanced on a toy dump truck. Funny how life works. I never thought that we would get this far, but here we are. I thank God every day. We are truly blessed.

Mothers Day came and went. The day still evokes too many negative feelings for me. Not sure if it relates to experiences with my mother or the struggle with infertility- need to think about this....or better yet, not waste anymore time on trying to figure it out. The second option is currently the front runner. Let's not waste anymore time on this one...

I currently know two special ladies that recently got BFP's with their latest IVF attempts. Hooray for them!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Back to Clinic I Go

Well - back to the clinic I go.....for a small procedure and then it's off to the starting gate (hopefully). Of course, we'll need to sign a mountain of paperwork and write a big fat check, but hey that's the way it goes. It is what it is.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Back to Posting?

Hi Everyone,

Not sure if anyone will still be keeping up with this blog but wanted to post an update.

Looks like we may try again.....we waited the mandatory year and now are ready to get started again. Some days can't believe that we are willing to do it all again, but I have to admit that I am excited about the prospect of potentially having another little one. Am I being naive? Too positive in light of our previous issues? Who knows - I am sure that I will go back and forth on this hundreds of times in the next few months.

Not looking forward to the process itself, but to the end result. Who knows if it will work out, but I do know that if I don't try that I will always wonder and wish that I did....