Thursday, August 23, 2007

1st scan today

We went in for our first scan today at 6w2d and did see one sac (measured at 6w1d) with a heartbeat (well, everyone did but me anyway). I feel like Rachel in the episode of Frie*nds where she pretended to see the baby on the us monitor with the Dr. in the room, but really couldn't. I am not sure how I am feeling right now. The Dr. wants us to come back in a week for another ultrasound. Is this good or bad? I don't know. I didn't feel like I got a straight answer. She said to go ahead and make an appt for an OB and was very congratulatory, but I felt like she was a little guarded.

Question for blogland - the heartbeat was measured twice at 103 and 105. I have tried to find info this afternoon and everything is so vague. Anyone know if this is in the normal range or not. I get the idea that this is on the bottom edge of the range and that has me worried.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

2nd Beta

Good news today - 2nd HCG at 21dpo or 16dp5dt = 3700. This is a doubling time of 1.63 days.

Now, I must admit - I do not know a lot about HCG, beta doubling times, etc. I have been spending a little bit of time researching it, but am a little bit lost. The ranges are huge! I can tell that I am within the normal range but not sure what this means. Is this high or mid-level or what?

Any help on understanding this would be appreciated.

I have not yet scheduled my scan for next week. I am conducting some training in the early part of the week, plus I would like to wait until it is more likely that we will see a heartbeat (hopefully), so I am leaning towards Thurs/Friday - this would bring to about 6w2-3d. I realize that this is still early, but I am leaving on Sat for vacation. I definitely don't want to wait another week and a half for the scan.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The System

The system is getting me down. Really down. It doesn't look like J will be here by next week. In fact, it could be more than a few weeks until all of the paperwork is taken care of.

I am so frustrated! We have been working closely with both states and the holdup is on our fingerprint checks. No one can call to check on these as there is no point of contact to call. What? If private industry functioned this way, then there would be hell to pay, but the gov't - SOP - standard operating procedure. Arggghhh. The thing that frustrates me most is that he would be better off here! We are family and he is currently in a group home situation. One background check has been completed - we are just waiting on two other background checks. Why everything isn't in one database further backs up my point that the system is broken. Once again if private industry worked this way...... To further compound the problem, the individuals working this case are both part timers with people that don't back them up (hence the zero return phone calls last week). I am so pissed off.

That being said, I understand that these background checks need to be completed. There are many bad people out there that would do things that I can't even imagine. I am not expecting special treatment here. I just expect people to do their jobs timely and to be accountable. Hence, background checker people - step it up. You are affecting people's lives here. It is not just more paperwork to plow through. So put down the 4th cup of coffee and get to work dammit.

Initially, we were thinking that we could have J come on an extended visit while the paperwork was in process. School does not start here until after Labor Day. So we would be able to vacation and J could start school here after Labor day. J started school today where he is so it doesn't make any sense for him to come out for an extended visit now until the paperwork is completed as I cannot register him for school here until the paperwork is completed.


Okay, enough bitching, I can't change the system myself (although I am trying to think of a way to call in a favor from somewhere - so that someone could make a call to get the ball rolling - I'll let you know what I find out on this front - If you know someone let me know). Onto cycle news...

My follow up HCG is tomorrow morning. No symptoms thus far - boobs slightly sore, but that's about it. I am having some wacky dreams, but I think that's just the progesterone. Oh, and my pants are tighter; however, that could be a side affect of eating too damn much. Stress is a kicker I tell you.

I am really nervous about tomorrow. I am not sure why my clinic doesn't test for an entire week after the first beta. Everyone in blog land seems to get this test done within a couple of days. If all goes well, the scan should be about a week after that. I haven't really asked about a scan as I view tomorrow as a big hurdle. Why worry about hurdle #2 until I have to I guess.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

It is HOT outside!

Man, oh man - it is hot outside today - The temp on my car thermometer said 103. 103??? I don't live in the desert or the rainforest. Damn. I think that my contacts actually fogged up when I walked outside for lunch today!

I want to let everyone know how much I appreciate the supportive comments and well wishes. The ride has been a long one and it is not even close to being over - I make it through each day knowing that my blog friends are going through this with me and really understand what IF is all about. You guys rock!

The news yesterday was great. My first real BFP. I am excited... however, I know that there are many milestones ahead. So, I am trying not to get too excited.

As far as symptoms go - I really haven't had any. My boobs are a little sore - but it varies from day to day. The lack of symptoms has stressed me out. On Monday night, I scoured the web looking for other people's experiences. Most people had cramping of some sort. When I didn't have any I was worried. Oh well, I can't micromanage my body......even though I try sometimes.

We are staying busy trying to manage the foster care placement situation - my case worker is out all week on an emergency (as is her supervisor); thus I am starting to get worried that J won't be here by the week of the 20th. I really want him to be able to go with us on vacation and have some good quality time with us before school starts. I will call the on-call worker again each day until I have some resolution....

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


Today has been a whirlwind! It started this morning at 3:30am. I couldn't sleep thinking about today's test results - not wanting to drive to the clinic, try to make it through the blood draw without crying, make it through the day at work without losing it - so I decided that knowing before the BFN phone call was better than hoping all day.

So at 3:30am I got up and took a HPT. I didn't put my contacts in, so I really couldn't see what I was doing. It took me a minute to figure out that I was looking at the back of the HPT - I panicked for a minute thinking that I had a bum model with no screen. Superstar that I am, I finally figured out to turn the HPT around and look at the screen. It was positive! I could make out the second line clear as day (even without my contacts). I was so excited that I ran in and woke up TM.

He was completely startled (he is a super deep sleeper). I believe that the quote was "What the hell?" I shoved the HPT in his face and said "It's positive!" He squinted at it through sleepy eyes and said, "I thought that you weren't supposed to take the HPT, that you might not get an accurate result" I replied that I thought that it should work. We then tried to go back to sleep - riiighht. Like that was going to happen. About an hour and a half later, I tested again (just to make sure that I didn't get a false positive the first time). Positive again! At this point sleep was pointless. I got up and took a shower and drove to the clinic and was there over an hour early (I am never early for anything!).

So, blood was drawn and the wait commenced. I was not yet convinced that the HPT's worked (thanks to the doubt provided by TM earlier). I got the call at 11:30, thankfully the wait was not long. Here's the big news:

1st Beta - 190 at 9 days past 5 day transfer.

The nurse said that the number is really great. My follow up beta is scheduled for next Tuesday. That seems like a long time to me........

Right now, I don't think that all of this has sunk in. I was so prepared for another BFN that a BFP didn't even cross my mind.

Sunday, August 5, 2007


Discovery Health Channel keeps reminding me to congratulate the Duggar's on the newest addition to their family. Jennifer is their 17th child. 17th? That's 13 years of pregnancy folks.

Maybe Mrs Duggar would consider ED? Think I should ask?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Cycle Update and More.........

It's been a long week with some bad news and some good news - hey, I'll take any good news these days, beggars can't be choosers.

Re: the bad news: none of the remaining 5 embryos made it to blast. In my mind, this does not mean good news for this cycle. In fact, I am pretty pissed off about it. Three sets of eggs (two of donors and me) and no significant blasts from anyone but me (the bad egg woman). Go figure. The embryologist stated that they transferred two good ones, whatever that means. Now, if I seem cynical, it's because I am. I am tired, tired, tired of trying with nothing to show for it. I haven't been stressing too much about the 2ww since I pretty much think that this cycle is over anyway. The nurses and TM say to be "positive", but come on - let's face the big picture here, statistically no blasts remaining probably means that the ones transferred suffered the same fate. I don't know what to think anymore. The only positive is that I am finally able to hold it together without crying at the drop of a hat.

On to the good news - I have kept this quiet up until now because I wasn't sure if it would work out. It's not final yet, but here goes....................TM and I are going to be foster parents! We had our homestudy yesterday and it went really well. We saw the Dr. today. He signed off that we were healthy people (other than the IVF addiction that is - ha ha). So, we are now just waiting on the system to get everything in place.

We recently went on a trip to visit a relative who needs a home. He is 11 and is pretty excited to move in with us. We are excited to have him here! He should be here in 3 weeks or so!

This did move quickly and is partly the reason for my blog silence. We have been so busy running around getting all of the paperwork done so that he can get here before school starts. In addition, this is my busy time of year at work so that has been crazy.

I have a feeling that we are in for some equally busy times ahead, but I am certainly excited about it!