Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Cycle review

Yesterday was cycle review day. Cycle reviews are the worst, particularly this last one. I am pretty good at holding it together, but yesterday was tough. This last cycle failure has been particularly hard. I thought that DE would be the answer and it still may be. We are not prepared to give up yet and will try again with DE.

On to the cycle review - the Doc gave us the standard line....about how sorry he was that this cycle did not result in a pregnancy.....I almost lost it, but thankfully recovered before breaking down. We then discussed the possible reasons why this cycle did not work. Basically, he has no idea. We fit into the "unexplained" category for this cycle. He is convinced that my egg quality is an issue, thus the reason why we chose donor egg and he still thinks that this is the case. Looks like we just got a bad cycle out of our donor. Sperm quality does not seem to be an issue and even if it were we are doing ICSI. I will be doing another Hysterosonogram (sp?)next week to determine if I have any uterine problems.

I know that my clinic is doing everything possible for us and they are highly qualified with an excellent set of dr's, embryologists, nurses, and staff. But this is so frustrating!

TM and I looked at donors yesterday, but have decided to postpone any decision making for a few days. I'll have to see how I feel in a few days.

On another note, I am really dreading Mothers Day this year. There is a family get together and I think that I will have to miss it. Right now, I have to think about what is good for me and celebrating motherhood for everyone in my family but me does not seem to be a good idea. I am still pretty raw and very emotional.

Why does this have to be so hard? I want to continue to be strong and positive about all of the good things in my life, but it just keeps getting more and more difficult. Although I am not ready to give up, I am feeling very discouraged.


Anonymous said...

I am also dreading Mother's Day this year. They just get harder and harder as the years go by.

I hope that next few days bring some perspective your way. I wish I knew the magic answer to make this easier, but I don't.

millie said...

I don't know why this has to be so hard and I hate it for any of us that experience this. Failed donor cycles just suck in a really painful way because you give up so much to get to this point and are told it will work, even have the odds on your cycle, and it really knocks the wind out of you when it doesn't.

As for Mothers Day, be kind to yourself and find some way to take care of your self as much as possible. Send flowers or something nice. That's about all I can do (and I tend to stay away from my favorite brunch places because they're always bursting with families).

Becks said...

I realy feel for you. I am sorry you are having to go through these tough times and I guess Mothers Day doesn't help on top of all that.

I guess eventually the next steps and strength will emerge bt in the meantime pamper yourself like crazy.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Hope you are able to take the time you need to make the right decision for you all...I am sorry that the "unexplained" answer was given--that must be so frustrating.
Thinking of you...

Foreverhopeful said...

I'm so sorry sweetie about everything you are still going through. I don't understand why some of us have to go through so much and you've been through enough already. I can understand how frustrating the unexplained diagnosis. I always felt better when there was a reason even though it still hurt. I think its normal to feel discouraged and beaten. Hang in there and you will start to slowly find more strength and you'll know what your next step is! Big hugs to you.

I'm dreading Mother's day as well. Thinking of you!!

Bumble said...

It is hard, and you're being so strong. Maybe it was just a fluke cycle. Next time will be better. I know you're disappointed, of course you are. I just really hope the next one is the one. Hugs x

Portia P said...

I'm so sorry.

There's nothing I can say to make it any easier. I've found the blogging community gives some comfort, but in the real world let yourself grieve and do nice things for yourself.

I've 2 failed cycles and pretty pathetic responses to the drugs so am feeling blue at the moment. I'm ready to give up at times, but we have to hope that there are brighter days ahead for us. It can't stay this gloomy forever and it won't.

It could all change for you next cycle. Take care of yourself.

Belly Laughs said...

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry this last cycle was so disappointing. It makes no sense and it is so aggravating to have the docs scratching their heads with no real clue as to why it did not work.

Be kind to yourself and skip Mother's Day. I continue to not attend lots of events with friends and family - it makes me sad, but it is for self-preservation. You come first right now. Big hugs.

ultimatejourney said...

Sorry about the cycle review. It's so frustrating that ART is sometimes more art than science and the docs don't always have the answers.

Mother's Day just adds insult to injury. Do what you have to do, and don't worry about anyone else.

Pamela Jeanne said...

You're not alone my friend. The anguish we're feeling is virtually impossible for those who never have had to face it firsthand to understand -- it's just not something they can wrap their heads around. For you (and others in our shoes), I'm wishing peace this weekend and always.

The Town Criers said...

I'm going to second Mille--there is a unique pain associated with a donor cycle. One that comes after you've already been through so much. I think it's a good idea to skip the MD stuff.

Hope the HYS went well today--that you're covering and it came with an all-clear.