J is finally here! He arrived on Tuesday and things are going well so far. He is a great kid. Today we are registering him for school and he will meet TM's parents (who are so excited). He has already started to make friends with the neighborhood kids and seems to be having a great time. I am so happy that he has joined our family.
Yesterday was the 2nd OB appt and I am so glad that we switched. It was a great appt and our Dr. was super nice. The practice is well organized and right near my house. I couldn't be happier with the switch. We had another ultrasound and all is well. The baby's heartrate is great. I guess that there is an old wives tale that the higher the heartbeat the more likely the baby is a girl. So the Dr. joked and said that she liked to guess the sex and that she guessed a girl. It was surreal to hear that and see the baby jump all around. Like this was actually happening. I am serious when I say that if I didn't "know" that I was pregnant, I would have no idea. My symptoms have mostly gone away, I have lost some weight, and sometimes I actually forget and have to remind myself to take it easy. The crinone and estrace are no more, so I am not forced to get up early and remember my meds. This has been the longest that I haven't been on meds in two years. Kind of weird.
Monday is our 1st trimester screen. Once that is over I think that all of this will seem more real to me. I am worried but hoping that everything is okay. I keep thinking, "what if". In fact, we haven't told too many people because I want to know that everything is okay before we do.
I worry about everything. I truly thought yesterday that it was over, that I would go in for the ultrasound and the heartbeat would not be there and that we would hear the "I'm so sorry" speach. I get myself so worked up, convinced that something is always wrong with something. Not rational, and I know that I am being unrational, but I can't seem to shake it. This is not just with this situation, but with everything. Is this person mad at me, did I do everything right at work, what will we do if this happens. It is so frustrating. I wish that I could turn off my brain sometimes and just rest. It is exhausting worrying about everything all of the time.
So, like Scarlett, I am going to think about that tomorrow (hopefully).