Sunday, April 8, 2007

History

I am thinking this morning and going over my history with IVF. Over the last year and a half I have been going full force hoping that one of these times one of my cycles would just work. I am so frustrated to be at the point where I am starting to think I have been beaten. I let myself feel some hope over the last two days........and now I am back to reality again. Of course it is on a day where I can't just hide in bed all day, I have to pull myself together along with Easter dinner and take everything on the road. I have to keep telling myself that this time might be different and make it through the next few days without having a nervous breakdown. Why does this have to be so hard????

Here is a breakdown of my cycles so far:

1st IVF: 3 -3DT - BFN
2nd IVF: 2 -5dt - BFN
1st FET: 2 -5dt - BFN
2nd FET: 2 -5dt - BFN
3rd IVF: 3 -3dt with assisted hatching (could have gone to 5 day, but Dr wanted to try a three day with the assisted hatching - he was worried about triplets - ha)- Beta = 5; subsequent BFN
3rd FET: 3 - 5dt with assisted hatching - BFN
4th FET: 3 - 5dt with assisted hatching - BFN

Now we are in the thick of DE cycle #1 - today we got the news that out of 13 eggs retrieved, 5 were immature, and 3 did not fertilize. So we are left with 5 fertilized embryos. The Dr wants us to come in on Tuesday for a three day transfer. All along the plan was to come in for a five day transfer, but since we have less than 6 embryos at this stage, the feeling is that a three day transfer may need to happen. This is not good news. The only other time that a three day transfer was mandated for me was our first cycle when all of our embryos did not look good at all. I did not get any grading information today for our DE embryos as it was not available, this causes me concern.

The plan right now is to go in on Tuesday and find out if: 1) there are any embryos to transfer, and 2) we should transfer on Tuesday or wait until Thursday.

Right now, I am feeling really down and not sure how I am going to make it to Tuesday. Of course, I will make it and will survive no matter what happens, but damn this is stressful.

6 comments:

Becks said...

Wow, you must be battle weary after all you've been through. I really hope you can find some positives soon..in more ways than one. Take care. Hugs

My Reality said...

I would think the feelings in a donor cycle may be even more intense. When we are the ones cycling, we are in control of the meds and following doctors orders. With a donor cycle, we have even less control.

This is all so hard. I am hoping that the 5 fertilized embryos will be strong, healthy and will give you your family.

serenity said...

Oh hon... I'm sorry to hear how tired you are.

The only assvice I can offer is to say this: this is a whole new cycle right now, because it's not with your eggs. It's almost your first shot here - and a 3dt does NOT mean bad news based on your history... because it's a donor with healthy and lovely eggs.

*hug* Hang in there, hon. I am hoping for some excellent 6 and 8 cell embryos on Tuesday.

Aunt Sassy said...

I'm sorry to hear that you are discouraged and frustrated. What you are experiencing is completely normal... but your cycling history proves you are strong and persistent. Like serenity said... this donor cycle is a whole different game.

The waiting sucks. Oh how I wish there was a way to skip this stage. wishing you 5 good-lookin' embryos. Will be checking in to see how it goes tomorrow!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Definitely keeping you in my thoughts...I wish I could make the waiting go faster! I will be checking on you...

Foreverhopeful said...

I can't believe you are so close to your transfer already? Did I miss something? I thought you just found a donor and you had made the decision to start. I'm amazed how fast you got started on the DE cycle.

I'm so-- sorry to hear how hard and stressful this all is. You deserve a break after all you've been through. I agree with Serenity and its a whole new ball game since you are using donor eggs. So 3dt transfer doesn't mean its bad at all. Good luck to you and hope you get some great embryo's to transfer tomorrow.