Sunday, March 25, 2007


One of the most important things that my Father taught me is that life is about choices. This theory has helped me make decisions throughout life. The choices were easy when I was younger - vanilla or chocolate.........but as I got older the choices became a little bit more complicated - where to go to college, what should I major in, should I get married early or establish my career first?........all of these choices have underlying consequences. I have made both good choices and bad choices but they were always my choices.

Although this is an important lesson, some of the most life altering events are not the result of choice. I did not choose IF.

I have known since my very early 20's that my husband and I would have to undergo IVF as a result of his cancer, what I didn't expect was that it wouldn't work (so far anyway). I started this whole process with the naive notion that it would work right away. As far as we knew everything with me was fine and all of the tests supported this. Well, here we are, 7 cycles later still trying. Staying positive is a challenge.

There are some difficult choices ahead:

1) Keep trying or move on to adoption
2) Donor egg or not

Hopefully we'll make the right choice.........


serenity said...

I don't think there are right and wrong choices here. They just ARE.

And it's funny - this journey has shown me how little we really can control. We may THINK we control our destiny... but at the end of the day, our life is marked by choices we've made. And that makes us who we are.

With these kind of decisions, you can only go with your heart. And since the future is uncertain, it seems that these are the hardest choices to make.

But I am convinved that, as long as you go with your heart, it'll never be the wrong choice.


Foreverhopeful said...

I was thinking the same thing as Serenity. There is no right and wrong choice for you. This journey is so personal that you have to do what feels right for you and follow your heart. One person's choice is not necesarily the right choice for you. In the end, its your life and do what feels right for you. Big hugs to you!!

I hope you find peace with something as well. I'm in the same boat.. I'm trying to decide between adoption, egg donor (who's eggs) or to really give up on my own. I'm leaning towards one but I haven't quite figured it out yet. I'm still having a hard time letting go of my own eggs.

peep said...

I hear you! This sucks and it's unlike anything in life so far because there is nothing we can do about it. You've already had to experience it once with your husband and cancer, now this. I understand how difficult the decision is that you are facing. Once you make it, go for it and don't look back. You have friends here who understand you and are facing the same difficult decisions.

The Town Criers said...

I think that's one of the hardest things about IF--the lack of control. The lack of getting to even really make choices. But I do think what Serenity said is true--there aren't right or wrong decisions there. They just are and go with what your gut tells you feels right.

I'm glad you commented so I could find your blog! I added it under male factor, but I can move it to any category you wish (and people often move around). Glad you started your blog.

aah0424 said...

I just found your blog from Stirrup Queens and wanted to welcome you to blogging.

My husband is a cancer survivor as well and I can totally relate to your naive notion that IVF would be your only way of conceiving, but that it would work. I've thought that exact same thing since we started dating 12 years ago. Along with the idea it would just work I was also niave to the fact that his cancer left him totally sterile. I figured we would have problems, but never imagined the extent.

I've spent a lot of time wondering what it must feel like to not have to make such drastic decisions when it comes to having a baby. How freeing it must feel to just be able to say "We should have a baby," and then get pregnant. We'll never know that, but we must listen to our heart after we know all the facts!