Lupron Day 1

Today is Lupron Day 1. I feel a mixture of emotions - I am excited to be starting this new cycle, I am afraid that this cycle will be more of the same in the end, I am worried about the side effects of the Lupron............basically, I continue to be worried, concerned, etc. Nothing new here - same sxxx different day!

I have been nonchalant about this cycle up to this point. I emailed my donor coordinator for my scripts earlier this week - I made sure that I had everything by Wednesday since I thought that Friday was the 30th. Mistake numero uno. This morning I didn't remember to do the shot until I almost walked out the door to meet a friend for breakfast. Mistake numero dos. Then I didn't remember to take my baby aspirin until I reviewed my calendar this morning. Mistake numero tres. I am currently three for three! What a day so far. Wow.

I am on my way to the pharmacy to pick up the next pack of BC pills (still strikes me as soooo ironic that I am taking these), pre-natal vitamins (I love the look of the pharmacist when I check out with both of these items together - boy, do I get some weird looks), and some baby aspirin.

I am also going to pick up a calendar to write everything down on - so I don't make mistake numero quatro!

Wish me luck holding it together! It appears that it is going to be a challenge.

I had a good day today. Work went well, I got home early, enjoyed some time with the neighbors, and settled in to watch tv. All of the sudden, I am sad. Wondering if I will ever get to experience the joy of children. It is always surprising to me how fast these emotions come on.

It is the unknown that is so difficult - will it ever happen for me and TM? Will we ever get to be parents? I suppose that only time will tell......

Here We Go Again

Well, I am almost ready to begin cycling again. I am excited to get started but a bit apprehensive. I take each cycle so seriously and can never truly relax because I view each milestone as the gateway to the next milestone. For example, this monitoring session went well, okay let's worry about the next monitoring session. Retrieval went well, but how many eggs fertilized? It's never ending. I have never had a positive result as the end of the 2ww, so the entire process is very very emotionally draining.

Regardless of all of that, it will not stop me from trying again, so for right now - I am excited to get started (insert sigh here). Here is the tentative calendar as of today:

6/30 - start Lupron and baby aspirin
7/6 - stop BCP, continue lupron (argh)
7/13 - baseline monitoring, continue lupron (argh)
7/14 - start Estrace (continue Lupron - argh)
7/18, 7/22, 7/24 - monitoring (continue Lupron - argghhh)
7/25 - retrieval, stop Lupron (yay), and start progesterone
3 or 5 day transfer after that.

My donor had a good number of eggs retrieved and embryos that made it to blast on her last cycle, so hopefully the same will apply with this cycle. She also is no longer an IVF newbie so that is reassuring. My coordinator said that she is excited to cycle again so I am happy to hear that.

I am all stocked up on some extra strength T*ylenol, so Lupron - you better watch out this time!

Well, onto other news - earlier this week I met up with the D.C. Queens. We had a wonderful time. Thanks to LJ for coordinating such a great get together. I am already looking forward to next time!

She Lights Up The Room With Her Smile

A close friend of mine has been on my mind a lot recently. She is such a wonderful giving person. I have often wished that I could be more like her - she lights up a room with her smile and has a positive attitude about absolutely everything. She found her soul mate (they are proof that this actually exists!)- in her mid-twenties. They are like two peas in a pod and want children more than anything. They WILL be great parents. Unfortunately, the happily every after has hit a bump in the road.

She has had difficulty with endometriosis for such a long time and decided recently that the pain was too much. She had surgery in her early twenties to remove some of the scar tissue and the Dr ended up having to take one of her ovaries. Because of her age, she assumed that everything would work out okay with fertility since she had the one remaining ovary. Unfortunately, this was not the case. The endometriosis combined with a diagnosis of PCOS and the constant pain proved to be too much. She decided to have a complete hysterectomy and the surgery was today - she is 33. I ache so much for her. She wants children so badly.

Thankfully, her sister is just as wonderful. She has offered to not only donate her eggs but to be a surrogate as well. I am not sure if my friend will take her up on this amazingly generous offer, but just to know that people like this exist makes my heart smile.

My friend has braved this battle with amazing strength and grace. She has remained positive and is an inspiration. She deserves the best in life and I hope that she finds everything that she is looking for.

Please think of my friend today and say a prayer for her.

Contract Signed!

Today was contract day. We are officially in the Shared Risk Program and ready to get started with our next cycle. We have a donor picked out (she was our first choice during our last donor cycle; however, she had not yet completed an IVF donor cycle at that point). I am extremely risk adverse, so I didn't want to go with someone who had not yet been through the paces. Here are her latest stats during her 1st cycle:

15 eggs retrieved
13 mature
10 fertilized
8 blasts

I feel myself becoming very hopeful. I want to maintain a bit of reasonableness with our history but I am hoping that this will be it. Starting our cycle is still a few weeks out, but I am anxious to get started.