Sunday, July 8, 2007

The First Step?

I heard an interesting quote today - "You have to lose yourself in order to find yourself again".

For some time now, I have felt so lost, so alone. Not able to relate to everyone else. Wondering if there was something wrong with me - why wasn't I able to feel anything but anger and sadness? Why was I empty inside?

Each and every lost cycle compounds these feelings. The despair is overwhelming. It encompasses every aspect of my life.

Thinking about the quote above, I wonder - will I find myself again? Who will I find? Will I recognize myself?

Right now, I am trying to put myself out there. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to be afraid of disappointment and to let that fear determine my course. Maybe this is the first step. I certainly hope so.....

16 comments:

Drowned Girl said...

Please don't feel alone with it

x

Chanti said...

Fisrt time reading your blog and I can relate very well to how you feel. I have felt that way for a long, long time and just woke up the other day with the dicided feeling that no more. I am aiming to come out stronger from this IF road we're on and refuse to feel lost anymore. I have my moments but it's getting better every day. Good luck for getting there.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Baby steps....and you are not alone! We are here to hold your hand=)

Waiting Amy said...

I just posted the same sentiments last night. So don't feel alone. Its a cruel situation, but I have to believe that we will come out stronger. And while it is a bumpy road, you may be about to finally turn the corner. Have hope!

Lea Bee said...

thinking of you.

peep said...

My husband told me last night he wanted the old me back. It made me feel sad that I have lost "her." I think we will find ourselves again and hopefully be better for it! Glad to see you are on your way with this cycle. I'll be checking in.

Sticky Bun said...

That's a great quote. I hope you find yourself again soon...and you're definitely not alone! We're searching right there with you.

My Reality said...

I think it is true that you have to lose yourself first, because if you don't, you have no reason to go looking. I hope you can find a you that makes you happy.

Schatzi said...

I am familiar with what you are talking about. And it is a horrible place to be. I am feeling for you right now.

And, I truly believe you WILL find yourself again. Please be compassionate and patient with yourself right now.

Cece said...

Sorry you are feeling down... we are here to support you! Blog away!

Foreverhopeful said...

I've felt lost and so alone so many times as well. But you are not alone and we are all here. Blogging has helped to work through my feelings and to meet ohter women going through the same thing. But its definitely been a process. Its taken me a long time to feel positive and feel like myself again.

rae said...

oh i understand. i understand so much. i wouldn't be able to make it through any of this if it weren't for people like you out there who make me feel like i'm not the only one.
hugs to you friend.
love,
rae
www.brokeneggs.wordpress.com

In and Out of Luck said...

I sure can identify with that feeling. Infertility is so hard and that alone feeling is so intense - for me it's something about being cut off from the rest of womanhood. Or humanity, or something. Hugs. You are not alone, even if you feel that way.

stacyb said...

i have struggled with not letting fear take over too. it is a tough and, i think, an important battle.
What i have found helpful it to come up with a mantra, sometimes "fear is not fact" which i say as soon as i realize im going down that black hole of doubt. our brains can only hold one thought at a time so if i can remember to say fear is not fact, or sometimes, I am doing all that i can and it's ok...or variations of that...i find that the fear subsides. that and taking deep breathes.

As others have said you are not alone.



You are brave.

Leah said...

Wondering how you are, haven't heard from you in a while. Are you coming to dinner on Sunday night?

Drowned Girl said...

How are you doing?