April Fools

I want to send out a big "Thank You" to all of my blog supporters in cyberspace. It means a lot to me just knowing that I am not alone in the world of IF (DE in particular).

While I am new to the world of blogging, I have been a lurker for some time now. Reading blogs of other fellow IF survivors has helped me immeasurably. I have gained knowledge, perspective, strength, and definition of purpose. I strive to be emotionally secure and focused and not to doubt myself.

That being said - Some days are harder than others. I think that for every step that I take forward I end up taking two steps back. Today was particularly hard, I purposely missed a baby shower, opted out of the family get together for Easter (pregnant relatives, cute kids, nosy questions - you know the drill), and had a lupron meltdown. My husband, a.k.a. The Man or TM for short, shows real patience when dealing with my meltdowns. I don't seem to have them very often, but when I do.........look out. Usually a meltdown does not come out of the blue. Something or someone sets the wheels in motion. Today was no different. Let's just say that someone played an "April Fools" joke that hit a little too close to home. The jokester did not try to intentionally hurt TM or I, and in fact apologized later, but the damage was done. Let's put it this way, there is a new winner in the insensitivity comment contest. I used to think that the winner was - "You should just stop trying and adopt. I know someone that adopted and as soon as they did they ended up pregnant.", but winner no longer.......someone else has taken the crown in this category. Maybe one day I will share, but for now it is better left unsaid.

Insensitivity is one reason that TM and I do not plan on disclosing DE to friends and family. Most family members are supportive but there are a few that believe that we should not be pursuing IVF and cannot seem to comprehend the process at all. I don't want to answer their questions or feel the need to explain. Said family members have never been supportive, even through TM's diagnosis, treatment and recovery. I could not imagine that they would be a source of support now. So, it makes sense to just keep this to ourselves for now.

I am so grateful that IVF and DE is an option for us. TM is completely recovered and almost 10 years out at this point. We have been blessed with a wonderful donor who is willing to help us become a family. I cannot express how thankful I am - even when some days are tougher than others.